Senseless

Having had varying degrees of deafness all my life (umpteen operations, some of which have cause more harm than good in the long run), I must admit that I would find it incredibly difficult to live without even my patchy sense of hearing.

For the last week I have been victim to a rather nasty wee ear infection that, and please do excuse me if I gross you out here, has caused a day of excrutiating pain, an eveing of blood black and yellow goo running from my ear, several days of tinnitus that is slowing driving me insane and the the odd twang and rumble inside my head that feels like an earthquake.

Through all of this though, I have been completely deaf on my left side (thus far considered my good side for hearing), and dispite the horrible additional afflictions listed above this has been the most profoundly difficult and frustrating thing.

Being partially deaf (Sorry what did you say, yeah “heard” them all before) this complete loss of hearing in my good side is something that affects me more than I ever thought it would. I am used to saying pardon, or shutting up in busy pubs cause I cannot keep track of a conversation, but I am also used to picking up some of it, or at least knowing that someone it talking to me.

I have now sampled some small part of the frustration some people must feel when they have a permanent loss of a sense and I consider myself very lucky that, I hope, tomorrow the doctor will resolve part of this issue for me and then consider sending me for another consult with the ENT guys.

Overall, with an untuned radio in my head, I once again am lead to consider what I have achieved in this world and what goodness I am putting back into it. I guess that has been a theme for me in my 31st year and I still don’t have any real concrete answers, but still I am working on it.