A good friend has just sent me this website, SOBS, and it has a list that describes how I feel, it helps me understand that what I am feeling is “normal” and stuff I have to work through.
Know you can survive. You may not think so but you can.
Struggle with â€˜whyâ€™ it happened until you no longer need to know â€˜whyâ€™ or until you are satisfied with partial answers.
Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, but all these feelings are normal.
You may feel rejected, abandoned, share these feelings.
Anger, guilt, confusion, denial, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not going crazy; you are in mourning. Be aware you may feel anger, appropriate anger, at the person, at the world, at friends, at God, at yourself; it is all right to express it.
You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Remember the choice was not yours â€“ one cannot be responsible for anotherâ€™s actions.
Find a good listener; be open and honest about your feelings.
Do not remain silent â€“ about what has happened or about how you feel.
You may feel suicidal, this is normal, it does not mean you will act on those thoughts.
Do not be afraid to cry, tears are healing.
Keeping an emotional diary is useful as well as healing. Record your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Writing a letter to the deceased expressing your thoughts and feelings can also be part of the healing process.
Give yourself time to heal.
Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may be experiencing â€˜unfinished businessâ€™.
Try to put off making any major decisions.
Seek professional advice. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.
Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.
Set your own limits and learn to say no.
Ask questions, work through the guilt, anger, bitterness and other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go does not mean forgetting.
It is common to experience physical symptoms in your grief, headaches, sleeplessness, loss of appetite etc.
Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.