September has been a very long and thoughtful month for me. It was a time of introspection and just learning about how I felt about the summer. July and August just “flew in” in a swarm of crazy thoughts, feelings and ideas, however, as I think I have said, the Autumn brings me some calm and peace, and this year that has been more than welcomed.
I know that people are still finding Tony’s death hard, I still see strange things crawling in the corner of my vision and still often think about him, but the instant stab of pain has diminished to a background. I find that I can now talk to people again without being pre-occupied about whether they know, whether they understand and what their judgement and feeling about it is.
Stranger is that the money that he owed me has arrived from Canada. I am stuck as how to use it, I think some people expect me to do something purposeful with it, where I would rather reduce debt, I think.
September has also been a time of returning smiles for me, going and picking up Alfie the Mini from Brighton, the Wee Sunday Out with the Mini Clan, meeting Kir, the new puppy in my mum’s household and generally spending some nice time with my friends.
I have also got back into my meditation and that has helped me a great deal in looking inside and understanding what actually happened within me, the exhaustion that I felt in August and showed my how much of a reserve I actually have within me and where it comes from (and how I must look after it, as I don’t think everyone has such a thing).
I think it is now, with some distance that I can understand the whole circumstance better.
So, now we are on the verge of my favourite month, October, and I hope that it is going to be quietly fun, with interesting highlights and amusing sidelines.