So this is a bit of an odd post; it has sorrow, anger and some really bad language. You are warned.
A month ago a friend’s partner unexpectedly passed away, it was sudden and shocking to all that were close to him and my friend was left shell shocked. The person concerned was well liked; personally and professionally, and I have read a load of good stuff written about him. In truth a knew him a wee while ago; a nice guy but we didn’t ‘click’.
I have been a bit worried about my friend since; he moved countries to be with the guy, left a good place where he had family and friends, a good social network and support. All of these things that I think he needs right now but is too far from them.
Today we had a little catch up where I learned some horrid news about the family of my friends partner. To say that they used the word “parasite” to describe him before the funeral and have now raided the house and taken away a load of documentation and served him with an eviction notice.
So let us be clear, this is a gay couple, together for a number of years and committed. They had never got round to putting in place ‘protections’ of a mutually respective wills and stuff, but then how many 30 somethings do? Death, sudden and unexpected, is not usually in the forefront of minds.
So many good things have been said of the guy who passed away, reading them they are not the usual platitudes, he did help, counsel, share, support and love people. However the actions of his family can only be damaging those memories, maybe they didn’t like him being gay; it was probably a tolerated thing, maybe they thought he could do better in terms of a partner; but my friend was who he picked.
By acting like fuckwits and cunts they cannot change the guy’s life and choices. You do not get rewrite the history of your son just because you have had to go through the trauma of burying him. I am sure somewhere there is the “rule” that no parent should bury their child, it must be a terrible loss. A seemingly healthy and happy guy, the worst thought should never had entered his parents mind, but in this case it had to. However in this case they also seem to have gone to a crazy fucked up extreme. The stress, upset and damage they are causing my friend is truly abhorrent and unjustified. Grief fucks up the mind, but it doesn’t negate compassion or love. Grief should be a bonding thing, bring together those that genuinely loved the one who has died. It should be a time for collective healing and forgiveness.
I am dispassionate, quite often, and it is probably one of my worst traits. It makes me wonder if there are motives; an insurance policy, a house paid up, a death in service policy and a pension. They used the word “parasite”, who is the parasite really? The ones making a horrible and compassionless grab for the gold? It is certainly not the person that made their son and brother happy.
It probably never happens in real life, but I hope that at some stage they think and realise that all the good memories of their son and brother are naught when compared to the cruelty they have and are doing. That moment of realisation when they see that they are cunts and wankers. [add in all the spite you want there, cause it hope it dripping in it.]
So my worry for my friend is that he feels lost, anxious and at risk. He doesn’t know what to do. I have asked him what he wants out of this monumental fuck-up. I hope, with the cruelty and selfishness shown to him, that he just wants a clean break. It is more than a set-back, it is a life altering shock, but I hope he sees that he can do it, that he doesn’t need to get the expensive lawyers to fight his case. Cause in the end we are not the money and stuff we leave behind, the estates and insurance policies. We are the ones we loved and cared for, and I know my friend has more love in him to share, time will move him further from the ground zero and with the help of friends and future friends he will heal from the shock, remember how he was loved and how he can love again.